February 22, 2012
Letters to Everly
Dear Everly,
You have always been a daddy’s girl. From the very start, really. I’ve had the great honor of protecting you, singing to you, loving on you and providing for you - but so often, when you feel sick or sad or just need some extra comforting, it’s daddy that you want. Your affections for me have been great, but it’s always been pretty obvious that daddy hangs the moon in your world.
I’ve tried hard not to let it get me down. The two of you have spent so much time together during your days while I’ve been at work. Since Arlo was born, I’ve been available even less as I’ve needed to nurse him and take care of some of his special needs. I feel guilty sometimes and worry that I’ve failed you in some way. But I try to remind myself that my experiences with you are always precious and there will be many stages in your preferences as you grow. I know my time with you will come. Mamas and daughters get to do special things together that no one else can do and there is a role that only we can fulfill in each other’s lives.
Recently, you’ve started to show me this. I am realizing just how much you observe and want to mimic me. You’ve been asking to wear a pony tail “like mommy’s” which is a first as you usually just rip out whatever I put in your hair. You like to sit at your desk and bang on your little laptop and say “I workin’” like mommy. You pick up your babies and rock them and say “Shhhh. Shhhh baby. I mommy” In the evenings after I put your brother to sleep, I will find you snuggled up with daddy on the couch in your jammies watching a little bit of Dora before bed. You’ve started to say “I want mommy” and Daddy and I will trade places. You snuggle your little body right into me and I play with your hair. We tell pretend secrets (you like to whisper gibberish in my ear and then laugh like you told me the best joke ever). We talk about your day and what we will do tomorrow.
It is overwhelming me with happiness, Everly. That you are seeking out one on one time with me even when daddy is there. That you are mimicking me when you play. That I am getting your undivided attention without you asking “Where’s daddy?” or saying “Daddy do it!” Last night I put you to bed and I laid down with you for a little while. You wrapped your small arms arms around my neck and just looked at me. I planted a kiss on your cheek and you giggled. You gave me one back and we went back and forth like this for a few minutes. I whispered I love you. you whispered “I you too”. and when I closed the door behind me on the way out, I marveled at the affectionate, joyful little girl you have become.
You will always be a daddy’s girl and that’s something to be proud of. You are so lucky to have a daddy that is so involved in your care and well being. But thank you, baby girl, for giving me a place on your pedestal too. I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit I’ve wanted it for so long. Thank you for reminding me that my role in your life is unique and lovely. And for making mama feel like even though daddy hung the moon, you still need me to hang your stars.
I wish for ten thousand nights with you.
I love you,
Mama
January 4, 2012
Letters to Everly.
(A blurry account of Everly’s first carousel ride. She spent most of it crying out for mama and saying “all done!”)
Everly Veda,
My darling little two year old. Happy happy birthday to you!
I realize now why mamas everywhere on their children’s birthdays say reminiscing things like “On this day X number of years ago, I was bringing you into the world.” It’s because it will always feel like it was yesterday, whether you replace that X with 2 or 22 years. Every year on this day for the rest of my life, I will relive the power and emotion of that experience.
Truly it feels like just yesterday I was holding your tiny, pink body against mine. I was delirious with love and a little shock that all of those months of anticipation and planning had come and gone so fast. You have changed everything about me, little Dove. I move and act and think differently since you were first laid in my arms. I have more purpose behind my reasons and more motivation to my actions.
I have watched you grow from an infant, to a baby, to a toddler in what feels like a single breath and at every stage I have said “This is my favorite age” because they have all felt exactly so. You keep us laughing and guessing and entertained every single day. What a joy you are to your father and I as a daughter and to Arlo as a role model and big sister.
I am so proud of your creativity and energy and the way you are already welcoming and engaging the world around you. You are so lovely in your smallness, in your brave spirit, and in the sweetness of your heart. Here’s to two years of this beautiful life, Everly Veda. On this very day two years past, in the last hours of the night, I was bringing you into the world - and it was the start of everything.
I can’t wait for the gift of this next year with you. and the one after that. and a lifetime of watching you become. The whole world is yours for the taking and I have no doubt that’s exactly what you’ll do.
I love you with my entire being,
Mama
December 11, 2011
Dear Everly
This photo is blurry and you are making a funny face, but I have to put it here anyway. I like the way it makes me feel when I look at it. It instantly transports me to this moment with you. Early morning, apple juice running off the end of your chin, that wild hair we can never tame, and the bedsheets pulled over our heads in a makeshift tent.
As always my dear girl, living these moments with you is a privelege.
Love,
Mama
November 28, 2010
Letters to Everly.
Dear Dovie,
This little blog is full of your milestones and firsts. So here’s a big one. This is the first time you met the Atlantic ocean. It’s been a busy year for us as a family and we’re a little ashamed that it took us until the end of November to introduce you to something so important.
Your father and I have spent more years than we can even remember dancing in the sand on the Carolina shore. trying to out run the rushing tide. Making sand castles. Having our hair blown by the salty breeze.
and now it’s your turn to know how it feels to unleash your spirit here. Despite the cold and drizzly weather, it was pretty obvious how you felt about the experience. As we stood there watching you take it all in, the wind carried your laughter out to sea.
And I made a promise right there that I would never keep you away so long again.
Love,
Mama
November 17, 2010
Letters to Everly.
Dear Everly,
Before you were born, I couldn’t really imagine actually having you in my arms, even though I dreamed it a thousand times. And then when you were there, it was impossible to imagine you being anything but a sleepy, snuggly newborn. Hard as I tried, I didn’t really know what it would feel like to see you laughing back at my smile until the moment came - or you walking carefully across the living room into my open arms until we were living it.
I dreamed those moments. Tried to imagine - but each time I learned that the true experience was much bigger than my heart anticipated.
These days, I daydream of holding your hand one day as we cross the street together. I dream of teaching you to do those bunny ear loops when you tie your shoes. I dream of dancing with you across our floor dressed in my old, fluffy dresses. Sometimes I try to imagine what your little girl voice will sound like.
But those days are still waiting for us. They are precious, joyful acts of living that you and I have not yet reached. and so they float unanchored in my mama heart until those tangible moments one day finds us both.
Love,
Mama
October 15, 2010
The rundown. 9 months.
Letters to Everly - because this blog is the closest thing to a baby book you will probably ever have.
Stats: You’re such a beeferoni! This week at the pediatrician you weighed 21 pounds and measured 29 inches long. You’re in the 85th percentile for weight and 90th for height. (Which explains why all of your 9 month pants are high waters!) You still have the most delicious chunky legs.
Teeth: Poor little mouth - You got SIX teeth between months eight and nine. You now have your 4 front top and bottom teeth. You’re also learning to use them to bite off pieces of food like noodles and greenbeans.
Feeding: We still feed you some purees, but you prefer “real” food now. Most days, you eat small bites right off our plates. You are learning to pick up small pieces and put them in your mouth (although a lot of them wind up in your lap) and you’ve gotten really good at putting a spoon full of food in your own mouth. You are already displaying a “let me do it myself” mentality. You love fish and chicken (we haven’t given you any red meat), pasta, all vegetables, most fruits, cheese, soups, yogurt, cottage cheese, oatmeal and those little puff cereal pieces.
Awesome stuff you’re doing now:
You’ve never been much of a crawler (only when you absolutely have to) but you love to stand. You pull up on everything and several times this week you’ve let go completely and stood unassisted for increasingly longer lengths. Two nights ago you stood on your own for almost 20 seconds before our cheers startled you and you plopped to your bottom.
We’ve been trying to get you to use a sippy cup since the pediatrician recommended it at 6 months. Every time we’d offer it, you’d put your mouth to it, give it a displeased look and throw it to the floor. I tried it again last weekend and you grabbed both handles and starting drinking from it like you’d been doing it for forever!
You say mama, dada, bye bye (complete with wave hand motions). When I give you my cell phone, you hold it to your ear and say “hey!” (then you try to eat it). You can make a kissy sound (we’re trying to teach you to blow a kiss) and a clucking noise. You’ve started mimicking the inflection and syllables that we use and your favorite thing to mimic is saying Gibson’s name (our dog). We’ll call to him “Gib son!!!” and you’ll repeat “did dum!”
You love music. Specifically da da’s guitar. When you hear him start to play, you like to stand and dance to the music. You also love to hum along when I sing to you. You love to shake your rattle, pound your palms on a drum, and strum your fingers across the strings of a guitar.
(with wet hair, fresh from a morning bath)
We are just so proud of you Everly. Watching you grow each day is the greatest delight of our lives.
Love,
Mama
September 6, 2010
Letters to Everly.
My earliest memory is somewhere around the age of 3 and half years old. It’ll probably take a few years before your memories begin to really hang on and follow you into your adult years.
Sometimes, when I think of all that we will do together in the next few years, it saddens me a bit that most of those experiences will move through you and away without staying.
I try to remind myself that each experience, whether it turns to memory or not, becomes the foundation of the soul - the building blocks for who we are as individuals. I’m absolutely certain that true joy is a sticky thing. That the happiest of our experiences will seep into the cracks of your being and stay forever. Even though the bulk of it will only be remembered through what your father and I perserve for you in photos and stories - we know that we are shaping the woman you will one day become.
We strive to build a solid foundation of your self everyday. Filling in your character with layer upon layer of adventure and love… And we watch with swelling pride as our sticky joy flows from the deepest recesses of our hearts and makes a home in you.
Love,
Mama
August 30, 2010
Letters to Everly.
My dove,
I haven’t written you in some weeks. I’ve found myself struggling more with words lately. How can I tell you the things I feel for you without saying what I’ve already said?
I’m not sure it’s possible.
I’ve whispered in your ears a thousand times that God picked you out especially for your father and I. I’ve traced the words I love you in your tiny palms over and over again. The two of us have sat many afternoons just studying each others faces. I’ve looked at you so long, I feel as if I should know the number of lashes on your lids and the name of the exact color of the brown that fills your eyes.
I’ve come to realize that all I can do is continue searching the rest of my days for new ways to tell you the same things- that you’ve changed everything. that you are my most tangible joy. that being your mother is beyond a gift. beyond a blessing. It is the thing that my life was meant for.
but you’ve heard this all before.
and you’ll hear it again.
today and tomorrow and the day after that one too.
Love,
your mama
July 6, 2010
Six months.
Letters to Everly.
My dove, where have the months gone? How has half a year passed already since we first laid eyes on one another? I doubt you remember our first hour together, but I will never ever forget it. You were merely seconds old when I first wrapped my arms around you and in that instance, you became the anchor for my soul. I laid down my roots in your dark eyes. I ran my fingers across the tiny version of your father’s lips. In those first minutes, I promised to protect you with the fierceness of a lion and the vigilance of a mighty army.
You have always been that thing I needed, that missing reason, the source of my courage.
I love myself more because I carried you and gave you life. I love your father more because I see him in your smile. I love the world more because of how different and wonderful everything feels with you in it. I love our family more because their blood courses in your veins. I couldn’t have imagined my life getting better, and yet, in this 6 months I love everything more because of you.
We celebrate your first six months with joyful hearts. We celebrate our first half year as your parents with grateful prayer. We thank the good Lord daily for our new found courage, fierceness, dedication, and our ability to love all we’ve been given more than we ever imagined.
Our family motto has always been “Love, Love here we are” and I feel like you are the tangible meaning of those words. Here we are in your small hands. Here we are in your morning laughter. Love, Love here we are, over and over again, in you.
my whole heart,
Mama
