Dear Baby

I know I’ve had way too many posts lately that basically say “Wah wah, I’m busy!” but I want to talk a little more in depth about this. I have so much on my plate right now that I am barely squeezing in 5 and half hours asleep (waking up somewhere in there to nurse Arlo) each night. I spend most of my lunch breaks running home to nurse the baby, clip tiny fingernails, put laundry in the dryer and chase down therapists and specialists who were supposed to get back with me but haven’t yet.

There are some weeks when raising two small children, working full time, writing for two blogs, being a wife, buying a house, staying on top of Arlo’s medical needs, and managing our finances feels particularly draining. Sometimes I daydream of our carefree days before children, when we went to happy hours and window shopped and slept a good 8 hours every  night.

These days, I’m grateful I had that time with my husband. Years of just the two of us, doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted to. It was important for us to have that then, so that we can be the best we can be to our children and each other now. Because some days, I look at my husband with eyes heavy with sleep and say “I never even kissed you today” and other times he’ll look at me and say “I haven’t had a minute to myself in three days”.

To keep our sanity, we both feel it is important to be open with each other about how hard this can feel at times. We sometimes vent our frustrations at one another because often there is nowhere else for them to go.  We try to allow each other small breaks of alone time to re-group and re-focus (a bike ride or watching the game with a friend for Brent - getting my hair done or running some errands alone for me). And most importantly we try to say to one another “You are doing a good job and I appreciate you.” 

We willingly signed up for this. We expected it to be hard and tiresome and different from what we were accustomed to - and so when it is, we just remind ourselves of that commitment. We also never could have imagined how much parenting would open up our hearts. How much joy we would find everyday in these two hilarious, curious and sweet children we’ve created. And we never anticipated how much the love we have for one another would grow as we watched the other embrace our new roles as a mother and a father.

I share so much of the beauty of our family on this blog but it’s only fair to talk about the sacrifice and the stress and the hard work it requires too. Children are amazing but they do change everything. Almost two years in, and we still find ourselves daily learning to navigate this new life. We are finding ways to exist happily with its unexpected complexities, with the lack of individual and couple time, with the mess and the chaos and couple it with the sometimes all consuming love and focus we feel for our babies.

This weekend we are sending both children to stay overnight with their grandparents. This is a first for us - a whole night and morning to be together as a couple since Arlo was born. We work so hard to provide everything our children need but it is also so important for us to take the time to focus on our relationship with one another. Happy parents = happy kids.

As my friend Rachael likes to say “We are doing important work” and none of it should be more important than the other - Raising our children, handling our responsibilities, taking time for ourselves individually, and nurturing our relationship as husband and wife. It’s a balancing act and one we don’t always feel like we are succeeding at - but we continue to work at it, admit our defeats and our successes and move forward - and really,  that’s been our ticket to keeping it all afloat.

Love,

M