Dear Baby

I watched a video recently on sweet Indiana’s baby blog. It was a compilation of mothers and what they would tell themselves if they could go back to just before their child was born. It really struck me and so I thought tonight I’d take a moment to write the Melissa I no longer am. The Melissa who thought she knew the capacity of her heart, but really had no idea what was waiting for her.

Dear Myself,

In a very short time, you will prove to yourself that you are braver and more capable than you have ever given yourself credit for.  Your body will experience pain and euphoria the magnitude of which is currently unimaginable. But you will do it - you will find that place inside you where the purest form of your courage lives and you will cling to it when the doubt rips at your resolve and tells you “I can’t do this anymore”. Your body will do it, your heart will do it, your mind will do it, and you will do it.

It will take weeks for it to truly sink in that she belongs to you. Despite sleep deprivation, the fear of not knowing what the hell you are doing in those first weeks and months will keep you awake for hours into the night, just staring at her, praying to God to give you the resources and abilities to figure it all out.

Don’t be afraid to lean on your family. They’re there to help and you’ll need them. You’ll learn to love Brent in a new way too. Everything you loved about him as a husband will be multiplied by a thousand when you watch him leap with his whole heart into becoming a father.

Your thoughts on a million different topics will change drastically. What makes you happy. What constitutes as a successful day. What others think. How much sleep you need to function. What you believe to be your strengths and your weaknesses. What’s important. What’s not.

All those times you said “When I have a baby, I will never….” sometimes you will eat those words daily, weekly, monthly.

People tell you that you have no idea what love is until you hold your child in your arms. And right now you nod your head and smile…. but inside you believe you have a pretty good idea. Soon enough - there she will be - her brand new skin against yours. The first rise and falls of her breathing against your ribcage- And you will realize that they were all right.  absolutely right. You had no idea. not a clue.

When the dust from all of this starts to settle, the girl looking back in the mirror will be the same. She’ll still have the same annoying habits, the same faults, but she’ll learn something about herself that you don’t know yet… despite your many flaws and shortcomings, you turn out to be a damn good mother. Know it, take pride in it. You’ll still find yourself praying to God constantly for guidance, but have faith that on this journey you’ll find your way.

Love,

The eventual you

(So my question to you is the same - What would you tell yourself in those last weeks before you became a parent? If you post it on your own blog, please share the link - I’d love to read it!  ~M)