Arlo was born a year ago today, at 3:59am. His birth will forever be one of my bravest, most powerful accomplishments. Last night I found myself retracing the places I was last year. 9:30pm - thinking I’d be pregnant forever. Midnight - my first contraction 12:30am- my water broke. 1:00am calling Kate to meet us at the birth center. I never made it to 3:59am but I woke up this morning to the most beautiful child grinning at me and I held him close thinking of all this year has taught me.
I feel like I’ve shared a lot in the past few weeks about the relationship I have with my son and how he has dramatically and wonderfully impacted my life. Instead of writing a post today from my point of view on his birthday, I asked some very important people in his life to share a few words, a favorite memory, or a story about him on his first birthday. As you can imagine, they had a lot to say - so much, in fact, that they would fill this blog for several pages if I posted them all in full. So instead, I’m printing them out and putting them away for him to read when he gets older. I’ve pulled a favorite line or two from each of their letters to share here today:
You are THE Jordan man… live wide open, laugh out loud, love with abandon and prosper.~ Papa Allen
I adore your happy “out loud” laughter and watching you swing your legs on the swing. We can not wait to watch you grow and climb the fort at the park. ~Mimi & Gigi
We cannot wait to show you and Everly the farm. We cannot wait to show you how to milk a cow and collect the chickens’ eggs and plant crooked rows of carrots and make up for a whole year apart. ~Nick & Kate
There is something about you, Arlo that is special. It is something more than your loving and happy nature. It is undefinable, and yet I know in my heart you are destined for great things! ~ BopBop Rick
My favorite moments are when I am holding you right after you give into sleep. Before I lay you down I hold you just a little longer to take in your sweet spirit and enjoy those few extra moments with you.~Grammy Cathy
As a mother, I never thought that you could love anyone else more than your own children… Nana was wrong. I thank God every night for the unconditional love and the new life that He has given me through all of you.~Nana Debbie
Papa Wayne thinks you are the most awesome thing ever. Being a physician, he smiles and says, “Arlo & I have a medical connection and I think that he feels a safeness with me”~shared by Nana about your relationship with Papa Wayne.
We were on a vacation in Mexico - sitting in a cyber cafe and a gchat from your mommy popped up on my screen…with news that she couldn’t hold in, of YOU! From then, to the first moment I saw your white peach fuzz covered little head, and saw that HUGE smile and those amazingly bright eyes and through the future days were we will watch you, EV, Mylah, and Benji go off to schools, jobs, loves - you’ll always be a part of our family too. You are so strong and you’ve reminded us all how precious life is. You are a magic boy, and you sir, will rule the world! All our unconditional love to you, perfect boy. ~The Gainers
Arlo, my little magic man, i love to watch you unravel this world with excitement and wonder. i had no idea how much i desperately needed you in my life before you were born…you are every bit as full and bright in spirit as that great big moon was on that blessed night one year ago today… Im so proud of you.
~Daddy
Happy First Birthday to our Arlo Redding! You are SO loved!
I never thought I would make it to a full year of breastfeeding my son. I remember looking down at him when he was four months old, right around the same age that I stopped nursing his older sister and thinking “I hope I can nurse him to six months… I hope I can make it that long” It felt so far away and there were a lot of obstacles to getting there.
Breastfeeding has been a strange journey. One with so many ups and downs. When Arlo was born, I had a crazy oversupply that when paired with his reflux, made for a really sad, challenging, frustrating experience every time he needed to eat. I saw a lactation specialist several times trying to figure out why my son was choking and vomiting so frequently during his feedings and for the first three months of his life, nursing him meant latching him and unlatching over and over again, every 5-10 seconds to limit the amount of milk he was getting so he wouldn’t choke. I remember realizing how lucky I had been in my nursing experience with Everly when feeding was just putting a baby to my breast and watching her happily eat and when I wanted to feel sorry for myself in my current predicament, I just kept reminding myself how fortunate I was to have any milk at all.
Speaking of Everly…. my nursing relationship with my first born had ended rather abruptly after a string of work trips that took me away for several days at a time. She grew to prefer a bottle over me. My supply suffered. I hated pumping and I threw in the towel. I won’t say that I’ve ever regretted the decision to stop when I did, but I have wondered how long it might have lasted had I tried other options before giving it up.
I gave myself the six month goal with Arlo before he was even born but once he was in my arms, I soon became obsessed with the idea. At ten days old, Arlo saw his first specialist and over the course of the next 4 months, we met with a total of 5 different doctors who all diagnosed our son with various conditions. My head was spinning and I was scared at what this all meant for him. It felt like all we ever heard was bad news and there was nothing I could do to fix him.
But I could nurse him. It became the thing that I devoted myself to. I was determined that no matter what, as long as my body was able, I would nurse my son exclusively until he was six months old, even though I had to return to work just before he hit the three month mark. I pumped twice a day at work, I worried constantly over how small my backup supply was in the freezer and once, Brent even had to turn around and drive an hour home from a day visit with family because he had forgotten the breastmilk I had pumped for him to take along.
The oversupply issue finally worked itself out, but I faced a new one with my travel schedule with work. I found myself pumping in public restrooms in NYC. In the Toronto airport. In restaurant bathroom stalls in Dallas. In the car on the way home from the office. I carried my breast pump bag alongside my laptop bag everywhere I went. I learned to call hotels in advance to request a mini fridge in my room. I knew the drill for carrying 50+ ounces of milk through a TSA security checkpoint. And to block out 30 minute time periods on my calendar so that I could sneak off to the nursing mother’s room. It became part of my daily work life.
And it brought on a new kind of challenge and frustration - but I clung to it. It was the one thing I could do to benefit him that all of his specialists and medicines could not do. By the six month mark, we had found our stride and we sailed past the milestone with barely an acknowledgement of our accomplishment. By eight months of nursing, I began to warm to the idea that we might actually be able to do this long term - we might make it to a year or longer! We also introduced a bottle of formula here or there to ease the constant worry I had over keeping enough of a stored supply and it allowed me to enjoy the experience more without worrying if I needed to drive home on my lunch break to bring home extra breastmilk every day.
Tomorrow, we will have doubled that initial goal of six months. As my baby boy turns one, we mark the anniversary of the very first time I nursed him. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done but I am distinctly aware of just how lucky I am to have been able to do this at all. Breastfeeding my son has been part of my own personal healing of the fear and worry that we dealt with in the first year of his life. It kept me focused on a goal and it made me feel like I was contributing something specific and beneficial towards his health.
All of the specialists have come and gone (except for one) and we’re down to one medicine a day. Many of Arlo’s physical challenges have been resolved and at the same time, our nursing relationship has finally become this comfortable, unspoken ritual for us. As I fight back the tears that come with watching my son turn one and head into a new phase of independence and self discovery, I find myself again, feeling grateful for this connection that allows him to stay that baby in my arms for a little longer.
Who knows if I will ever get the opportunity to nurse another child or how long my nursing relationship with Arlo will last - today, I am just reflecting on what this experience has provided for me. Not everyone gets to go down this road, and those that do don’t always get to stay very long - so I feel like the appropriate thing to do at this point is just to sit back, enjoy the warmth and weight of this growing boy against my body and see where it leads us next.
Everly is known as the “hugger” everywhere she goes. At school, at church, at the park, amongst cousins and friends. She is a super affectionate kid, and as I’ve mentioned in the past - her full body lovefest is not always welcome. We are constantly reminding her to respect other children’s wishes regarding personal space.
But when it comes to little brothers… all bets are off. Arlo is Everly’s number one target for her affections. It often seems that she is under his spell as much as Brent and I when it comes to soaking in his cuteness. She will get right up next to him, bite down on her own lip as if she is trying to contain herself, and then wrap her arms around him and plant a big kiss on his cheek. “HE IS CUTE!” she will squeak at me in her little voice and then back she goes to kissing him again
Arlo always laughs and giggles when she does this, and even more recently has started to greet her with a wide open, slobbery kiss of his own. I think being totally comfortable with constant in-your-face loving is the sort of thing you only get to experience as a younger sibling- when all you’ve ever known since the minute you opened your eyes is another little person patting your head and hugging your body into theirs and giving you open mouth kisses all of the time.
He doesn’t get much personal space around these parts, but he definitely gets more than his share of affection. Gives new meaning to the term “tough love”, I suppose.
6. 7. 8. 9. Blue Ridge Parkway between Asheville & Spruce Pine, NC
10. 11. 12. 13. Todd, NC
We spent the last 9 days wandering across the North Carolina mountains, visiting friends and family and just being generally awestruck at the beauty of our state. We hit up our favorite restaurants and vintage shops in the charming city of Asheville. We took a 2 hour drive down the magestic Blue Ridge Parkway. And we finished the week with a stay in a charming little cabin in Todd, NC. I know I sound like a tourism advertisement right now, but if you’ve never visited the mountains of North Carolina, it needs to be added to your list. We are so lucky to live near such a magical place.
This blog is one big, constant list of what motherhood has come to mean to me. I’ve talked endlessly about how motherhood has changed me. How it has made me love louder. How this journey has humbled me and made me a braver, better version of myself.
So while my day has consisted of little arms wrapped around my legs, tiny heads cradled in the crook of my arm, and all the focus of my little family thanking me for the mama things I do, I feel like I’m the one with a debt to pay. I’m the one who should be scribbling crayon love notes and bringing home flowers and laying the kisses on thick.
To my Everlv Veda. My Arlo Redding. My darling, Brent. You are the best parts of my life. My favorite everything. Motherhood has been my greatest adventure and I owe the three of you so much for allowing me the chance to become one.
And to all of the mothers out there who are looking out at the family they’ve made with gratitude and pride… for those of you counting your lucky stars as I am today… Happiest of Mother’s Days to you!
This one of Everly is actually a couple months old, but I just found it while looking at some old video. I’ll have to try to catch her singing it again sometime soon, but this one was just so so sweet.
Feeling more than a little crushed that Amendment one passed in North Carolina last night. For a girl who sure loves to put things into word, I am struggling to find the right ones today. It just makes me all the more determined to raise my children to stand up for equality and to speak up when they know someone is being harmed.
Brent and I know that Everly and Arlo are the greatest tools God has given us to spread the beauty of His Grace. He has tasked us with the responsibility of molding and shaping them into adults. It is our role as parents to teach them to protect and fight for the downtrodden and the outcast and to pray that someone does the same for them should they ever fall into that category.
God’s love is not shown in the person who knows the most bible verses. It is not felt in the person who casts judgments on who is worthy and who is not. It is not spread with the removal of basic rights for our neighbors. God’s love grows when we live it in action. When we share His word through our encounters with others, through our charity, our forgiveness, and through sacrifice.
We spread His love when we give, not when we take.
I would not be true to myself if I did not write today about the subject that is front and center on my heart. Today is May 8th, the day that North Carolinians will be voting on whether or not to approve the constitutional amendment to define marriage between one man and one women as the only legal union in our state.
If this amendment passes, it will mean that thousands of unmarried couples in our state will lose their rights to make health related decisions for their partners, and to healthcare benefits for their families. It can strip away domestic violence protections (a similar amendment did so in Ohio). It will take away many rights that our fellow citizens hold today. This amendment will effect young professionals and the elderly. Gay and straight partnerships. End of life and custody rights. It will directly impact thousands of children whose parents are not married. But there is a good chance this amendment will pass - Why? Because of the implications it has for the gay and lesbian community in North Carolina.
Gay marriage is already illegal in North Carolina but this amendment, if it passes, will ensure that the LGBT community will not have the rights associated with civil unions or domestic partnerships either.
I think about how this amendment will impact my children. I can not predict who they will grow up to love. I can not predict if or when they will get married or have children of their own - and it is my duty as their mother to do everything in my power to vote against an amendment that could impact their future rights.
And I want to speak for a moment to my fellow believers in Christ - Since so many of you are being led to vote based off your Christian beliefs. God gave His children free will so that we could make our own choices. He also gave us His word to guide our lives. Today, these scriptures are weighing so deeply on me:
Matthew 25:40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
and this one
Romans 13:10: Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
and especially this one:
Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
I implore you, fellow North Carolinians - please do not take away the rights of our fellow citizens. Regardless of your views on gay marriage, voting for an amendment that strips away basic rights that thousands of NC citizens hold today is not loving our neighbors. It is not protecting the weak, the minority, “the least of these”. It is a deeply flawed piece of legislation that will impact future generations - potentially your children and mine. I hope that love will lead you at the polls today.
One of my beautiful friends, Kerianne, became a wife this past weekend. It was a dreamy wedding on the side of a mountain outside Asheville, NC. Kerianne and her groom, Adam put so much time and detail into their big day - there was handmade loveliness everywhere you looked. She also was hands down, one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen - love looks so good on her.
Kerianne’s wedding was also a chance for me to catch up with some of my closest friends, a few of which now live hours away. My friend Rebecca, is expecting her first child (a little girl) in July so Natasha and I loved talking babies with her. It’s such a wonderful journey to see these “girls” I share so many memories of my twenties with turn into amazing wives and mothers.
Brent and I will celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary this year. It feels like only yesterday that we were up there- holding hands and saying “forever and ever”. We held hands tightly during the ceremony, danced our feet off at the reception and talked about little memories from our wedding day. It was so nice to celebrate the next chapters in the lives of our dear friends and to reminisce with my husband a little on our own experiences together.
